Day without a Gay and other random gay news

I heard that Wednesday is Day without a Gay Day, where gay people are supposed to call out of work to show the straight people what it would be like without gay people. Unfortunately (or whatever) I am an hourly employee, and I do not have the option of righteous indignation. A day without work, for me, equals a day without pay. And it’s the holiday season so I gotta buy gifts and my bills still come whether gay people have equal rights or not. So instead of calling out of work, I’m writing a blog about gay stuff. That’s just my contribution.

In addition to telling everyone I know about Day without a Gay day, I decided to also tell some gay stuff about myself.  Wanna hear it? Here it go.

1. I’m not one of those man-hating dykes.  I actually really love men. Some of my favorite people are men.  I find them attractive and wonderful.  Some of them even smell good. Some are even super awesome kissers. And in my book, being a good kisser and smelling good are good ways to end up with a Monica attached.  Unfortunately (or whatever) the thought of actually having sex with a man makes me throw up a little in my mouth. No, not really. In all honesty, it makes me feel like this: ____________________________________________________________________________________

And that is not the way I’m supposed to feel about having sex.

2. I think there is a gayness scale. And EVERYONE, even ugly ass Laura Bush falls somewhere on the gay scale.  As one of my lesbian friends tells it, everyone has a little homo inside. She actually said something dirtier, but I’m not printing it in this blog, lol.

On my gay scale, 1 equals not so gay and 10 equals super duper gay. I think I fall around a 7-8 on most days.  This makes me pretty freaking gay, as the gf often tells me.  The gf also says many gay people who have been gay for a long time aren’t as gay as I am.  I take that as a compliment.

3. My mother told me today that one of my cousins said I had gay tendencies. Hilarity (and slight confusion). What’s even funnier is that this is a cousin that I see, tops, 3 times a year, and one of the last times I saw her, I was engaged. To a man.

So my mom was telling my cousin about my ‘friend’ and it slipped that this was no ordinary girlfriend. To which my cousin replied, I’m not surprised, Monica does seem to have gay tendencies.”

What the f*ck does that mean? I mean, gay people don’t always think I’m gay. In gay clubs, I’m the chick that looks like the straight chick that’s just there to support her gay friends. And none of the lesbians talk to me. Which is tragic, because I like to be hit on.

But really,  I shouldn’t be surprised. When I came out to my friends, for the most part, they all said some form of, Well duh, nitwit, we were just waiting for you to figure it out.

Argh! I wish my asshole friends had let me in on the secret, or set me up with a pretty girl or SOMETHING! Damn them.

4. I’m pretty out to my friends; they know me better that I know myself anyway.  I came out to a select few of my classmates, although I think most of them had figured it out, ’cause you can’t refer to a person as a) A significant other or 2) They, them or other non-gendered pronouns without the Master’s kids figuring out that something is up. But when we were thinking of renting a 6 bedroom house together I figured I should tell them that I’m sleeping with a woman before we signed the lease paperwork (I wanted to give them one last out before they’d be stuck with me).

I’m not out to my co-workers, not because I think they’d stone me, but because I’m really confused about how the whole, “Hi everyone, I’m gay” conversation actually comes up.  I mean, if the gf is ever in town when I have a work thing, I would definitely bring her and introduce her as my girlfriend, just like I did over the summer on my internship. (I still don’t think most of my summer co-workers got it, even though L tried to make it as obvious as possible.)

5.  I don’t really think gay people should get married.  But not because they are gay.  I don’t think anyone should get married. I think getting married is stupid.  What’s the point really, when you can get divorced for $300?  However, I do think that EVERYONE should have the right to do the same thing, so if straight people can get married (and divorced) at the drop of a dime, why the hell can’t everyone else?  Especially since I fully believe that 2/3 of the straight people could happily be in homosexual relationships.

6. Love, Actually is my FAVORITE holiday movie, and I think someone should buy it for me.  I’m adding it to my Amazon wish list. Look up my Amazon wish list using my email, which is here.

Happy Hump Day!!!!!!!  Hug a Gay person

 

Word Play

Power Dyke: A Power Dyke is a lesbian who has gained a position of power, either within the LGBTQ community, or in the world at large. She could be the head of a non-profit agency, a politician or successful in business.

This is going to be me one day.

One day, my picture will accompany this definition.  

I’m going to be all three (business woman, non-profit leader, f-ing awesome politician)

Wish me luck, cheer me on.

Here are some other fun lesbian definitions.

 

Friday FAQ

In MPA school we spend a lot of time talking about public policy and how policy affect public administrators and since my class is a pretty liberal crew we discuss our opinions with each other ad nausem. In this most historic American week of my lifetime, Barack Obama was elected to be our 44^th president (Yay) California banned gay marriage (boo), and in the most boring Public Administration conference ever I learned that America is indeed in a recession and it will probably get worse before it gets better (Argh!!!).

So, today, I will answer 2 questions that I have been asked over and over and over… and one question that I asked on Twitter that no one took the bait on.

1. What do you think about the Obama Victory?

I am super excited that Barack Obama was elected President. Why, you asked?

Because this was the first presidential election that my baby sister has ever voted in (she’s 18), and I wanted her to have a positive experience.

Because lots and lots of people who have never voted before took part in our political system (and the system f-ing worked!!!!)

And not only did he win, he BLUEd up some states. North Carolina, Indiana, Florida, some other midwestern states that I can’t think of!!!! I am so proud of my country right now. America rocks!

Obama (whether you like him or not) inspires people. He has restore hope and optimism to a bunch of cynical, hard-hearted, apolitical Americans and  I hope to see more good people entering politics because of him.

He has restored the WORLD’S faith in America. His election proves that Americans aren’t as stupid as I (and every other country on the planet) thought they were in 2004.

He and Michelle are just so f-ing cool! I really just want to be their friend and chil-lax in the White House having conversations, babysitting the girls and hanging out with the family.

This is the first presidential election that I have ever voted in where the guy that I voted for won.

This is the first election that I think people 18-35 had a candidate that they could truly relate to and believe in. Gens X, Y and millennials actually made a difference. Several of my best friends has been working TIRELESSLY for the Obama campaign and I KNOW that their efforts made the difference.

The election of Obama signifies the end of an era and I am so glad to see it go.

(****notice that none of my reasons have to do with him being a Black man****)

And a follow up: This historical election is one of those things where people ask, “Where were you when Obama got elected?” Here is my answer: When CNN and NBC called the election for Obama, I was at home sharing the experience with the gf (over the telephone). In one moment the news anchors were talking, and then all we heard was screaming.  I was indisposed at the moment (in a unspecified location in my house, ahem) and couldn’t get up to see what the screaming was about. Luckily the gf was able to tell me that Obama had won. I couldn’t believe it. I’m still a little in shock.

2.  What do you think about the passage of California’s Prop 8 that bans gay marriage?

I am so disappointed at California. California has always been a beacon of life to a little lost black girl like me. It also seemed like the one place where all the people who were a little different, a little alternative, and little (or a lot) less normal could go and be accepted and thrive.  I have to rethink California now. And it makes me a little sad.

And I sit and think, how can the country, on the one hand, elect Barack in a landslide and then other the other, (in arguably most liberal state in the country) vote to ban gay marriage. I’m so confused and sad.

I mean, everything happened on the same ballot, so logically it follows that a lot of the people who voted for Obama voted for the ban. Right? What the f*ck is up with that?

Let’s assume for a moment.

Lots of Black people can out to vote for Obama. Could it be that historically oppressed Blacks voted to oppress another segment of society? Have they forgotten that equal and separate is NEVER really equal?  Have they forgotten that it took a coalition of Blacks and whites to affect change for Black people?

Homosexuals need our straight brothers and sisters to stand up for and with us if we are going to emerge from this constant battle of 3 steps forward, 2 steps f-ing back. *Sigh. This just reminds me of why I hate incrementalism.

Of course, I don’t know who actually voted for Prop 8, but lots of people seem to think it was people of color .

3.  Does the bust always follow the boom?

Economically speaking, it sure as hell seems that way. Every time someone explains economic policy, in terms of the current crises and the recession, I see a pattern Boom.Bust.Boom.Bust.Boom.Bust. The little squiggly lines on economic graphs show cycles of good and plenty, followed by deep dark recessions. In my life, I saw the dot com boom and bust and now the housing boom and bust.

For once I’d like things to be on a little flatter line. I think that a flat line would indicate folks having enough money (and nice nest egg savings) without the rampant consumerism that seems to drive the high boom.

Essentially, what goes up must come down.  So, if we never have those super high times, then we don’t have the far to fall.  Hence, no bust.  (this is all in my completely unprofessional non-economic opinion, of course.)

Happy Friday, party people. Be E-Z

 

Jesse Helms is dead

Every since Jesse Helms died a few weeks ago I’ve wanted to write about it. His death reminds me that evil does die, sometimes it just takes a little longer than usual. His death means that there is a generation of people whose purpose in live seemed to revolve around the oppression and subjugation of others who are all dead or dying. Is it wrong that this makes me happy?

I mean, I’m southern and proud of it dammit (sometimes, at least) and I’ve lived in North Carolina for a number of years, so I’m quite familiar with Jesse; the homophobic, racist, asshole . I know a bit about his hatred of blacks and gays. I’ve heard for years about how strongly he opposed civil rights for Blacks and the way he killed a black man’s chance to be NC’s governor. I remember reading about how he reportedly said that NC should fence off Chapel Hill and call it a zoo (there are a large, active gay community in Chapel Hill). I know about this man who would quote Bible scriptures and condemn entire populations of people to death and hell in the same breath.

Needless to say, I want to give his dead corpse the finger and say good riddance (but that wouldn’t be nice) And unfortunately, there isn’t anything else that I could come up with to write that didn’t make me come off as a hateful bitch who didn’t care that someone had died. Since I’m trying to be a better person, I’m not allowed to be a hateful bitch, that would be stooping to his level, and that would take too much of my time.

Fortunately for me, I found this very tasteful and well-written article that expresses my sentiments on this subject much better than I can. Enjoy!

 

Am I missing something?

Why isn’t there a homosexual secret handshake?  I see gay people (or suspected gay people) every day and there is no way to let them know that I am family.  It drives me insane!!!!!  Or think about this, what about all the feminine lesbians (like myself) and masculine gay men that I never get to talk to outside of gay events, like pride because they don’t want to out themselves or they don’t fit gay stereotypes) I mean, my gaydar is pretty good, but I’ve been known to skip over folks.

Instead of a handshake, maybe it should be a wink or a code word so that I’ll be able get the attention of someone without having to touch them.

For example, I met a woman today as a part of my internship rotation.  I strongly suspect that she is gay, but I didn’t want to out her or offend her if she wasn’t gay.  How’s a girl to know?  Or a few days ago, again at work, I was introduced to a couple of gay men, and I wanted to say, I’m family, too, lol!  But I didn’t, there were to many other people around.

Basically, without an ” I love chicks who love chicks” t-shirt, an I’m gay sticker plastered on my forehead or a piece or rainbow jewelry on, there is very little chance that another gay person will be able to identify me.  Before I wrecked my car I had an equal rights sticker on the back, but people just assumed that I was just queer-friendly, lol.

I need my people to be able to know about me, but they don’t.  And it sucks because I see gay people everywhere.  Gay people flock to me.  I love meeting new gay people (maybe I am queer-friendly).

Is my girlfriend not teaching me the secret handshake/wink out of fear that I’ll pick up girls.  (kidding, kidding)  Seriously, though my gaydar ain’t foolproof.

 

I should stop listening in on the conversations of others

I had lunch outside today and there were about 8 ba-gillion mothers and/or nannies out there with their babies. In the midst of all the crying children I overheard two ladies talking about how a friend of their kid’s was getting picked on at school because his parents were gay. I don’t know if the kid lives with his two mom or two dads, but he didn’t want to go to school because the other kids made fun of him.

One mother told the other how she explained to her son why he shouldn’t make fun of the kid with gay parents (KWGP) and, furthermore, why he should stand up for his friend. I thought this was super admirable of her and I kept listening.

She reminded him that he had black friends and that black people couldn’t change their skin. She told him that he doesn’t make fun of them because their skin was different. In her mind, the logic followed that you shouldn’t make fun of the KWGP because his family is different and because he couldn’t change his parents. Huh? Should the KWGP want to change his parents? Should I want to change my skin?

She also gave the example about people having different religions and how it is ok that people believe differently and should be accepted anyway. (Much better, mama)

As a black person and as a non-heterosexual, I thought about her comments and analyzed their usefulness.

At face value, I thought it was hilarious and infuriating that she compared changing skin color to changing your parents (both, which I’m sure lots of kids have wanted to do) I never wanted to be white, I just wanted longer, prettier hair. Anyway, wouldn’t it have been better to say, there are different kinds of people. People have different kinds of families. Some families have parents and kids, some families have grandparents, and some families have step-parents and step-kids, and some families have two moms or two dads and all these kinds of family are ok. Her logic total ignored the whole gay thing and it highlighted our differences instead of our similarities. (we all have families vs. we all have different skin)

The more I thought about it, I was just glad that she is trying to teach her kid about diversity and accepting people in spite of/because of their differences. I guess her explanation is better than saying “picking on people is bad and shouldn’t be done” (just because). That kid will (hopefully) be able to enter a room full of different kinds of people and be ok, because his momma said that people can’t change what they look like and who they live with and we have to be nice to them anyways.

What she was trying to teach was very, very important. She tried to convey that what a person looks like or how they live or how they believe (even if it is different from you) doesn’t make them any less worthy of respect, love and friendship. She explained it to her 8 year old and he got it. So…how do you make adults understand it?