Everyone needs a person

One of my favorite shows is Grey’s Anatomy. And one of my favorite relationships on the show isn’t Callie and Hahn-no, it’s seriously not. My favorite relationship on the show is Grey and Yang. Why? Those two have the most enduring relationship of anyone on the show.  And they don’t even sleep together.

They share their secrets, their fears, their problems, their triumphs and happy times. They are each other’s person.

What does it mean-this notion of being someone’s person?

It means that everyone needs someone that they trust completely.  Everyone needs someone that they can tell anything to, that they can be totally completely their most authentic self. Everyone needs someone who they know will love and respect and not judge them no matter what.

It is so hard to find someone like that. We wear so many masks every day that preclude us from finding our person. We share pieces of ourselves with others but we rarely trust, even our friends, enough to completely let our hair down enough and let all our foolishness hang all out.

I had a conversation with a friend about the guy with which she is having an affair. I asked her why she continues to do it, even when she knows that it is a completely bad decision. Her answer was that she couldn’t stop herself because he was her person. He was the one person who knew her completely.  He was the one person that she connected with on all levels.

I was so happy for her, that she found this person and has them in her life. (Even though she was in tears because she wants to break it off).  And I must admit that I was more than a little bit jealous.  Not because of her specific relationship, but because of the deepness of the connection between them.

My relationship with the gf is still new and since our relationship is mostly conducted via telephone we haven’t had much of a chance to forge that connection.  And still I swear we share a brain. Countless times we damn near say the same thing to each other at the same time. We crave the same food at the same time. I’ll text message her and get one from her at the same time. Last week we had a conversation where we realize that most days of the week, we share a brain. And I told her – I wish I had my own brain, but since I have to share one, I’m glad to share one with her.  She laughed and dared me to write about it in a blog. To which I replied…. Already writing it down.

I know that these are fairly superficial examples, but they still make me smile. I’ve never been as open and honest and authentic (with myself or anyone else) as I am with her.  And I’m constantly pushing myself to shed my masks and stop filtering my words and let all my foolishness hang out. And I remind myself to trust her to love and respect and not judge me.  Ultimately, I know that it is up to me to let her in. And I want to let her in.

Why? Because I think she could be my person. And I don’t want to miss out on that.

 

Will you be my friend?

Those are five of my favorite words Some of my favorite friendships started with those words, not that my other friendships are less than my favorite, but there is something special about making a conscious decision to become someone’s friend.

One friend from college just decided that we were going to be friends. She came into my room, proclaimed that she had air conditioning, and told me to come over. I really didn’t have a choice in the matter; she came into my room and bulldozed her way into my life. (lucky for me)

Another friend from work, I thought she was so cool. She was nice to everyone; she was the happiest morning person I knew. I looked forward to seeing her every morning, she would sashay down the hallway, Buenos Dias, Monica! Over time we would talk and help get each other through some rough work times and I don’t remember how or when it happened, but one day I made a decision, this chick was going to be my friend. So I asked, will you be my friend? And as they say, the rest is history

Two of my friends that I met, ahem, on-line have gotten me into soooo much trouble over the years. On the first night we met, these hoochies kept me out all night long. Because of these ladies, I will always have fun stories to tell. I remember driving home after that first “girls night out” as the sun was coming up thinking to myself “I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into, but I kind of like it”. They made a decision to keep that crazy girl (me) around and I made a decision that I needed a little more trouble in my life. We have been raising a ruckus every since.

I saw a chick today that I haven’t seen in at least five years, and before today we had met only once. We met through…..that college friend that I was telling you about, actually. Apparently we made a connection. So, fast forward five years (at least) later and me and the new chick live in the same city. And once more, over margaritas dos exiis, guacamole and tacos, those five words were spoken, and my new friend asked me, will you be my friend? Of course, we’ve already started planning other times this summer to hang out and a trip for her and her boyfriend to come to NC and watch the Tarheels beat up on someone

Oh, and I’ve made a new friend at work. I thank God everyday that I have her, because I may have already jumped out of a window if I didn’t have her to whine and complain to. She’s super cool, crazy smart, we like the same music, and have similar body types, so she doesn’t make me feel fat. She’s pretty (which is important, because I don’t like ugly people) She’s generous and considerate, which is really good because I was really worried that I was going to have to share cubicle with a snobby, selfish bastard. She’s great and she’s my friend. Wanna know how I know?

I told her that I was dating a woman and her reaction was, “You are first gay friend. I’ve had gay acquaintances, but never a close friend and you are my friend.” Ahhh, friendship. Over the past 2 weeks, yeah I know I move fast… we’ve grown really close and I talk to her about everything that bothers me about this internship situation, my life, my relationship and just stuff.

It takes a shift in perspective to choose to be someone’s friend. It takes awareness that they may not be as into you as you are into them and they may not want to be your friend. It is an important decision and a big deal to add a new person to your life. When you ask someone to be your friend you leave yourself wide open and vulnerable to rejection, and that’s a scary place to be. I’m blessed to have my friends, those that I asked in and those that just showed up one day and never left.

When I say friends, I’m not talking about drinking buddies or people that you hang out with, I mean shoulders to cry on, dances with my mother, knows my darkest secrets, could get me into a lot of trouble, probably have eaten my food and slept in my bed kind of friends. Friends that wake me up when they need something and I’m not mad, can tell me when I’m wrong, and doesn’t judge kind of friends. Stalk their wayward boyfriends, and potentially beat people up kind of friends. I can tell you the truth about me kind of friends. You know, the important kind.

Anyway, friends are important. I love my friends and I thought you should know.